When nobody answered, I quietly opened the door to find Lisa and Julie sleeping soundly on Julie's bed. I decided to let them sleep a little longer. I walked through the house to make sure we hadn't left anything lying around that could betray our weekend activities. I didn't see anything. I got the newspaper and took the Sunday comics to the kitchen. I poured a glass of milk and read the comics until about 3:00. Then I went back upstairs to wake Julie and Lisa. They woke up groggily and took turns in the bathroom before coming back down to the kitchen. While they fixed themselves glasses of milk and snacks, I suggested that Julie and I have a chat with Mom and Dad separately. Lisa agreed to make herself scarce when the time came. I also told Julie to let me take the lead and then fill in. It would probably be a good test of our ability to collaborate without revealing the true nature of our new relationship.I also suggested that Lisa call her mother to get an update on her aunt's. I'm in love with him.I want him to hold me, and kiss me, and do things I am not equipped forwith me ....Then I wake up, crying.I dont know what to do about this.I dont know who I can talk to.I know dreams aren't real, but it comes from somewhere, but where?And its not just the dream. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, andI look .... wrong, somehow. I look and I half-expect to see the girl frommy dream looking back at me.And the fact she doesn't is a grief I cant even begin to describe ....I've got to pull myself together, shake this off somehow.I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but who?My dad is a man's man, he's counting on me to follow in his footsteps. Goto collage, be the Big Man on Campus, marry a girl just like mom, he'dnever understand.And Tammy's counting on being the girl in that picture, I can tell this inthe way she talks about our future. And yet the more time I spend withher, the more I envy her more than I desire to be with her. She'd neverwant.
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