This got me always really afraid. I also turned more inward in puberty and became quite shy, having lots of hidden fantasies. I would sit a lot behing my laptop watching oral sex videos. I never really knew where it came from. I always had it. I always felt that have vaginal sex felt strange to me. As if that should be for loving only and that oral sex is more lust.When I was 15 orso I bought a dildo and this might sounds weird. I never used it on my pussy. Never even in the years later. It just doesn’t feel right. I wanted to feel how it would be to suck a man and masturbate. Every morning and evening I would put the dildo in my mouth and play with myself until I reached an orgasm. I would practice going deeper in my throat enjoying the gagging feeling and masturbate. I would imagine myself being in front of a man. I would sit on my knees and masturbate like that. Sometimes watching movies on my laptop on the same time. Always hoping in school that somebody would see me and pick me. Wo meri mami thi. Mai uthne hi wala tha ke mami ne muje baithne ke liye kaha. Aur lite laga di. Mai kafi dar gaya tha. Tab tak maine apna lund andar dal diya tha. Mami mere chair ke baju khadi thi. Mai niche sir kiye hue baitha tha. Tab mami ke chehre pe kya emotions the pata hi nahi chala. Fir maine kaha. .Me-sorry mami. Aagese aisa nahi karunga. Aap pls mummypapa ko ye bat mat batana.Amrita-are nik ye sab jawani me nahi to kab karoge.Me-actually mami aap kab aayi muje pata hi nahi chala.Amrita-koi bat nahi. Mai to sirf wok al wali painkiller mangne aayi thimai zat se utha aur goli dene. Mera lund abhi bhi pura shant hone ka tha to barmude ke upar uska ubhrao saf dikh raha tha. Aur jab maine mami ki aur dekha to unki nazar mere lund par hi thi. Goli den eke bad mami room se jate hue boli. .Amrita-nik pls mere sir pe ye balm laga dena.Mai unke piche 2 chala gaya. Wo sidhe let gayi aur mai unke sirhane baitha gaya. Mami balm ki bottle dene hi wali thi ke maine hat samne karke lene.
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