She was very pale, and that didn't bode well. He picked up the needle he'd used to stitch up her wound and began prodding various places on her body, looking for reaction. He got normal pain reflexes from her body, suggesting the nerves were working, but she didn't wake up.Next he pressed his ear to her chest, listening to her heart. It was strong, but seemed slower than normal. She was clearly in shock. He began reviewing ways he could increase her heart rate to move her blood faster through her body, which would get more blood to her brain, too. Almost all of them required the patient to be awake and helping.Something popped into his mind. It had been part of an argument several of his teachers had engaged in, back when he was training for the war. That argument hadn't been about wounded men. Rather, it had been about a way to invigorate the spirit of a woman. It had been entertaining then, listening to the older men proposing that stimulating a woman's sexual parts could have. The others had, of course, been enemies.Who would come for them? I wondered. Would they even be collected? By thetime we arrived, the petals had dried and darkened, and the soldiers'wrinkled limbs were hard--even wearing the thick gloves I was--to touch. Irealized without any pride that I was probably the most educated eunuchthere. It hit me that knowledge isn't everything. Isn't it, like so muchelse, I asked myself, another invention mothered by necessity; a tool thecoward uses to protect oneself, reduce the riskiness of risks, make theutterly unknown known somewhat? 'It's a miracle,' Mistress said, 'thereare as few maggots as there are.' (There seemed to be plenty to me.)"The last dream I had in the midst of this illness was of the first man Ihad ever had a crush on. Following the dream, I wrote this poem:I would love to become his bed sheets,I would spread myself thin upon him,Not to warm myself, but to be warmth.Initial neckbeard bristles--Dark on his ivory skin,Like the hatching.
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