"Though I have tried as hard as I can" she said with obvious effort of will "I cannot love him. I do not love him." She took another sip and set down her cup. "I do not know why. There is something wrong with me. I must live with a man I do not love." She looked up at me with an emptiness in her eyes seemed to go on forever; an emptiness that seemed to plead for compassion, for absolution "I live with a man I do not love. That makes me a whore, James. That is why I do the drugs." I wanted to touch her, to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, but it woud have been a lie. "No, Anita," I said, trying to sound convincing. "You are not a whore..." "I AM A WHORE" she suddenly shouted slaming her fist down on the table. For a woman so beautiful, the intense anger I saw flash in her eyes at that moment was amazingly frightening. I looked quickly around the room, embarassed for both of us, but only saw a few arched eyebrows and curious looks. Not knowing. Shannon showed me her new cell phone and called Alexis,placing the call on speaker so we could all tell each other everythingwe had done the previous days. We giggled and acted like typical eleven-year-old girls. The world was right again.The next few weeks went by without incident. The hormones didn't make megrow boobs overnight, nor did they make my ass bigger. To be perfectlyhonest, I didn't feel any changes at all. However, after about a month,I did feel something, my legs hurt."Mom," I said, several days after I noticed the pain. "My legs hurt." Show me where?" Right here," I answered pointing to my calves."Did you fall and bruise yourself?" No, they just kind of ache." Both legs?" Yes." It sounds to me like growing pains. Pain like that usually indicatesyou're beginning to grow." Has Ted begun to grow too?" He hasn't said anything, but girls usually start to grow taller beforeboys do." I'm going to be taller than Ted?" Until he begins to grow and then we'll see." God I so love.
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