That would be a hard question for me to answer, because in my heart, I always thought of myself as female. I don't ever remember wanting to play with Ted's Tonka Trucks or building blocks; it was always Kate's Barbies and tea sets that interested me. But it went far beyond a matter of play. I saw the bond Ted had with Dad; I thought that was nice, but while I loved my daddy, it wasn't what I aspired to. No, what I wanted to do was to spend time with Mom like Kate did, learning how to cook and sew and garden and clean house and do all the wonderfully feminine things she did. At school, I had few friends, and those I did make were inevitably girls. I think it was my first grade teacher who first called the situation to my parent's attention in a way they could no longer ignore. "Seems to be having gender identification problems," the note I found one night began. It was the source of a series of arguments that had been going on between my parents. I felt terrible about this; terrible. "She nodded and stopped sanding the corner."Spell for me the word 'raccoon.'" R-A-C-O-O-N."I was surprised because I actually expected her to get this word correct. "Uh... you should have used double cs instead of just one." Oh... okay." The little girl bit her lips, opened her eyes up wider, and tilted her head down slightly. It was a good attempt but a bad start. I started to wonder. If I kept giving her hard words, she may not like me anymore because being around me will make her think that she was dumb. On the other hand, I didn't want to give her really easy words because then she might go tell her mum that the lessons are easy and then her mother may think I'm useless because I am not challenging her. If she thinks I'm useless then she may cancel the lessons and I'd lose money."What do you think happened to Ella?" asked Lily.I had a feeling Lily was trying to divert my attention away from spelling."Ella was with Mark," I said. "Mark must have taken her somewhere." Will I see her.
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