The DIY divorce only cost a couple hundred dollars and, as an added advantage, there was a very short waiting period.So ... four months, one week, and a few days after I caught Mr. and Mrs. Asswipe having sex with my wife, the divorce was final. I packed up all my feelings and memories from the destroyed marriage, locked them up behind a door in my mind labeled “Faye—Do Not Open,” and got on with the next phase of my life.Christmas that year, not too long after I got the final decree in the mail, wasn’t really that bad. I spent it with Mom and Dad. It was quiet, but very good for the soul. We exchanged gifts, had an enormous turkey dinner and, that evening, we went visiting friends and a few distant relatives.A week into the new year, I quit my job with Reese Donnellson. It was a good job, I was very well treated there, and respected too. Mr. Donnellson thought I was accepting a position with another firm and he offered me what amounted to an executive level salary if I’d stay, but I. “Sure, what’s up?” “Where am I sleeping tonight? I’m too drunk to drive and I was going to stay in the spare room but Sarah has moved in there.” “Oh right. Shit. Sorry about that. Umm. Look I’m fairly certain you don’t want to bunk in with Max and I.” “Now there’s the understatement of the year.” “Ha! I’m pretty sure Sarah won’t mind if you jump in with her. If she does I guess you’ll have to hit the carpet.” I felt more nervous climbing those stairs to potentially spend the night with Sarah than I did masturbating in public with her. Before I could think too much about what that meant I bit the bullet and walked in to the room. Sarah had changed into a long t-shirt that I assumed she wore as a night gown and was busy making the bed. “Umm. Is it still okay if I stay here the night? I can’t drive home and all the other beds are taken.” Sarah looked at me, almost embarrassed. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t even think. Of course you can.” Sarah blushed and there were a few moments of awkwardness.
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