I was anxious but you were patient and kind. We watched the demonstrations and I did everything twice for practice. I asked to go first so that you would be able to help from behind if I had issues. I took my time and you cheered me on the whole way. We shared lots of laughter and kisses, and fun moments. You helped me down from each ropes course and made sure I was secure each time I went up. That made the course workers swoon a little. I guess men now days dont have chivalry?Course 3 of 4, We got to the Tarzan moment. Swing on a rope into a rope wall. Well I swung and landed low. I tried climbing over but I couldnt climb up. I didnt have the strength. I tried. You gave me tips. I failed. Eventually anxiety set in and turned to panic. It was over. I had the guy help me up. I was allowed to finish the course but not move on to course 4. When we made it off of course 3 you sat with me while I took time to calm down and clear my head. I appreciated that. You could. That was the first time I’d spoken to Faye. Vanessa came out of the dressing room and put her arm across my shoulders. I shrugged her off. “Look here,” she said, turning to me to face her. “This, for them and for me, is not a game. If we lack discipline we lack professionalism and if we lack that people won't pay to come and see them and critics will say they are incompetent as well as us. They love this. They need to be told, to be shouted at and to learn to fucking well get it right. So do you. Get over it. Coming?” I said no, I wasn’t coming and I walked to the station and took a train home and got quietly pissed on my own with a few glasses of gin. She was right, of course. I knew that but Christ, I felt like I had when Livi had slapped my face. I apologised the following morning but she reacted as if nothing had happened. That afternoon we were back at the rehearsal room and everything went well. After, I was waiting for her, but Faye Millerton came out of the dressing room.
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