With no idea what relatives existed, I wanted to remain out of touch, out of sight, and out of mind until everyone that thought they were owed a viewing, funeral, and graveside service, found other things to concentrate on. Officially, I was in protective care until those responsible could be apprehended and were safely behind bars.We all thought the official story gave me breathing space. I wasn't up for relatives, especially the kind I'd never met.Eventually I had to return to the house and deal with the belongings that had to be disposed of. Colleen and Rebecca accompanied me. Mr. Bell and Millie had other things to do for a few hours. Jack got a team together and we went to work.Carol lived well within her means. I was surprised when Colleen shared the bank statements. Other than essentials, Carol hardly ever spent money, especially on herself. Her wardrobe was dated, clean, pressed, and ready for use. The dresser was neat, organized and spotless. Her bathroom showed signs of. But this was the first time Jill had asked me in such a direct way. And in truth, I had to hesitate before I gave an answer. The mental picture of the three rutting males at the pool party was still strong in my head. Jill and I had known and talked about the swinging circles for more than four years now, but this felt like the first serious conversation about whether we might try something similar.As Jill’s hazel eyes bored into my soul, I knew I couldn’t lie or obfuscate with her. I’d been lucky enough to win the heart of this smart and beautiful woman. These last twenty-three years we’d built a life together. Made love and raised a family. And now I knew that I had to admit to something that had been building a head of steam these last few weeks.I took a deep breath and admitted to something that I myself was only just beginning to piece together.“Ever since the pool-party, I’ve been wondering what it would be like to see you going with another guy.”That was as much as I could.
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