Was I cheating her? Was I obeying her? Was I pushing off dealing with this girl. I felt cold in my guts. Saying “I love you!” too early wrecked high school for me. Ellie expected it. Ellie asked for it.She displayed the glob of my spending on her tongue. Dozens of Ellie’s all around me had puppy dog eyes. I stroked her hair and she grinned. Her chin flew upwards as she flung her tongue to back of her mouth. I watched her throat bulge as she swallowed.“I love you.” I repeated. It was easier. I hadn’t thought I would say the words. I was scared I didn’t mean them. This girl was incredible. She licked her lips and swallowed as I sank down to sit onto the floor. She dragged her tongue, bulging out her lips in front of her teeth. She swallowed a third time and climbed onto my chest.“You’re incredible.” I smiled for her after we had made out for a few minutes. She took her lower lip her teeth and blushed as if on command.“You’re worried.” She dragged her fingernails over my chest. She. IT WAS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.The see-saw battle between acceptance and rejection didn't last morethan an hour or two.Acceptance won out.I had wanted it, I realized. I had given myself permission, from deepdown. And now that it was over, now that it was in hindsight, now thatit was a part of my history that could not be expunged or erased, I wasglad it had happened.His cock had felt FANTASTIC in my hand.I smelled my sneaker too, lots of times. I thought about licking it.Instead, I masturbated myself, purposefully edging for a long longtime.Usually, I erupted into an old athletic sock that I kept hidden fromeveryone, so no one could ever find it, the tell-tale striped crustyedges of a cum rag.This time, I blasted my load right onto my own body. All over my bellyand chest, with a few drops shooting up to my collar bone.Laying on my back, on my bed, feeling like I'd just run the longestmarathon of my life, my heart trying to calm down and not leap out ofmy rib cage, a new.
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