Rushmore, right next to Titty Roosevelt! (Waving...thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. Please tip your waitress.) She was so similar to Joan Jett I had to hire her because Joan was the first celebrity I had a crush on (have I mentioned my lesbianism yet?) I even learned to play guitar because of her, rather quickly learning the few power chords she displayed in each song. Zoey has worked here for six months and I am smitten. I have noticed an interesting correlation. The more raises I give her...sometimes twice a week...the less work she does. I'm not complaining. I'm only trying to determine if she has positive thoughts on sizzling girl-on-girl lovin', preferably with me, although I can watch if it comes to that. She sighed and dropped her college textbooks on the counter, immediately causing the glass to crack."You can take that out of my check," she said with an adorable sneer."I'll take it out in trade," I thought to myself, my cheeks red as I contemplated. She sat on the edge of the bed;"I know something is going on between you and your brother; I can tell that you're treating each other differently. I'm afraid to ask what it is, but I have to know." Mom, there's only one way to put this; we are in love with each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together."Before she could burst into tears or start yelling at me. I tried to explain."Mom; before you say anything I have something that I want to tell you; something that you're going to find impossible to believe." Ok, you have my full attention." Mom, do you remember the morning when I was in ninth grade and I fainted in the bathroom while I was getting ready for school?" Yes, I remember, go on." The reason I fainted was because up until that morning I was an old man, lying in a hospital bed in the year 2012. In fact I wasn't just any old man, I was Jack. We had all screwed up our lives so much that at that point, I was dying of heart failure after living a life of drugs, Anne.
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