Hartman could imagine how scary that must have been for her client, wondering if her "secret" would be exposed. Given the religion that was being pushed on her at the time, it was easy to picture how Ruthie must have been on a guilt trip for months afterwards for nearly having gotten her mother in trouble, which was indeed true."I'm wondering if that scare that you had was sort of a watershed event in your life. I'm wondering that because it seems you got a lot more into serious reading and adult topics after you turned 16." I 'spose maybe that's true, Dr. Hartman."And you never got back into punishing yourself?"Ruthie shook her head."Is that something you'd ever think about doing?" I'd love it. But it would have to be just right, and I don't see how I'd ever find anyone who could do it 'just right'. I mean ... people are into all kinds of weird shit ... blood, black clothing, high heels, tattoos, punching holes in their skin, pissing in their faces ... and I wouldn't want to do any. On one hand, I didn't want the emotionally painful experience of the rape I was about to perpetrate on my mother to be joined with the physical agony that accompanied forcible intrusion, but on the other hand the sooner I got to work the sooner it would all be over. Besides, I didn't want Liira to decide I was stalling for time; the punishment was already bad enough without heaping any further abuse on my mother.Abandoning the teat that had nursed me, I essayed an expedition to the place that had birthed me, gently lifting my mother's thighs apart and re-positioning her upper leg to give me better access to her. A quick check indicated she had begun to dew over, but after applying a little pressure to her vaginal opening and finding no easy entrance, I concluded that she was not quite ready yet. Since my hand was down there, however, I took the opportunity to stimulate her clitoris and inner lips, pushing down hard with my middle finger, opening her with the two adjacent to it, and.
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