"He let go of me and pushed me back down to the grass. He walked away.I was gasping for air. I was crying. I felt powerless. It was on my ownproperty but I was still powerless.* *Chase grabbed my hand. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I brought this up. Thatmust've been painful memory for you." It was then I resolved to never let anyone see me cry ever again. I tookTae Kwon Do and vowed to always defend myself. But it wasn't even alwayslike that. I'm a conflict avoided. I continued to get bullied from otherboys. At school. At the bus stop. I eventually stood up to them. But ittook months of abuse to finally stand up to conflict. Hell, I let Amberwalk all over me for a few days before I finally decked her."I wiped tears from my eyes. I didn't realize I was crying in front ofChase. I turned away."No," he said. "It' OK to cry. I don't want you to feel like you have tohide it." It's just that- crying triggers that feeling of being powerless. Itbrings me back to that moment in my front yard."Oddly. Our guards did their best to give us a little bit of space, and Alistair’s arm locked around me kept me from being jostled excessively, but it was still somewhat intimidating. Everyone seemed to be having so much fun, though, that it was hard to be too upset about it.The fact that I was back in a dress didn’t help any. If I’d been wearing my armour, I’d probably have felt a bit more confident. Instead, I wore a long, conservative burgundy dress with my cloak overtop, and while Alistair assured me that I looked beautiful, surrounded by so many people what I mostly felt was ... vulnerable. The dagger sheathed at my waist – and the second one hidden against my forearm – only helped a little.Despite my discomfort, we made it through the afternoon relatively unscathed, and I knew when I was able to look back on it, it would be a memory I cherished. The people of Highever truly loved their Teyrn, and Fergus was toasted and cheered everywhere he went; he took the time to stop and talk to.
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