I give him instructions to the same place as always, a small park on the corner of the big crossroads, mentioning my friend gets me home and dropping him a tip as I alight. I watch him drive off then wander to `the pussy salon` butterflies doing a dog fight in my belly as I walk. The receptionists warm smile was welcoming, and familiar, I gave the name I use here, she took the cash and then pointed me to the waiting room, I by now knew my own way, as this was probably the tenth or twelfth time, I had visited over the last eight years. Pat the woman that had once interviewed me popped in to see me, saying Rob would be a few minutes, and passing the time of day, trying to interest me in a video of the session , but I wasn’t interested, as if Melvin found it, it would be a disaster, and I don`t need complications, she said then that “watching Rob discipline me was a big turn on for her and did I mind…” she`s nice Pat, at least she was honest, …so I asked if “she would she like to come. "As long as I don't have to eat it in the same room as you."Wow this was close to the Chinese concept of ultimate hatred "not underthe same sky!"I cried again, quietly.We barely spoke to each other for the remainder of the weekend.What I didn't understand at the time was that my son was processing whohe was right now. Whilst he had met his grandfather and known, like Idid, that he was not like him, he had also seen me pretending to be a"normal man" in the past. He had thought I was like my father and that hehimself was different. Now seeing me dressed as a French Maid he hadbeen forced to recognise that I was not like my father. Being brought upby my ex-wife, though, meant he had been encouraged to think of men andwomen in very binary terms.This was what I had heard - the upbringing Jennifer had given him but itwas not exactly who Alex was and although I did not realise it then Alexdid. Alex was telling himself my Dad cries and my Dad is not afraid toshow his emotions. I show my.
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