Had it not been for their pleasures, coarse as they were, I think I should have made away with myself, so miserable was I. How I accommodated myself to the class I can't imagine; for although a few were nice, prettyish, healthy women, the majority were low coarse creatures, living in poor single rooms which were often not clean; but both rooms and women were as good as could be expected for the few shillings I gave for their pleasures.My strong animal wants carried me through, and added to that perhaps was a certain amusement in noticing the difference in manner between them, and the highly paid Bonarobas, whose silks, satins, and laces I had helped to pay for at the rate of a sovereign an hour, and often higher. Besides as already said, my imagination helped me. When my prick was up one of the ill-favored ones, and I was clasping a flabby backside, I used to shut my eyes, and fancy some charming creature whom I had had elsewhere. I cultivated these dreams in copulating.Up to this. I stopped seeing anyone else but you months ago, but I was afraid to tell you because I knew we would start seeing each other all the time and fall in love and get married and start a life together."She put her arms together and started pacing. "And where would that lead?" she said, "maybe we would have a wonderful life until in about twenty years, when you get to watch me die. Then you'll be in your forties with no wife, no kids, and no life."I had to admit she had a point but wasn't ready to concede it yet. "Isn't that my decision?" I asked."No, it's mine as well," she replied, "if we were together whatever happens to me would affect you. Could you watch someone you love slowly waste away?" She was trying hard not to cry. "Well, I have, my mother, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone."Sophia was a very determined lady, and I could see she had made up her mind, and any further argument from me would only prolong things. I went over and put my hand on her face."I'll never.
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