Wishing I had the courage to phone you and explain the reason behind the words, my insecurities that refuse to allow me to believe you actually loved me, desired me. Wished I could tell you that I do trust you. I know I’m not model material, could do with losing a few pounds, it had been drummed into me throughout my life that I was fat and needed to lose weight. And I wish I could explain to you that having lived with so much criticism, it take a while to believe the praise, but I was getting there. I sit on the bus and can’t help but remember the last happy time we had been together. You had came over after work with a few DVDs and a bottle of my favourite wine. Your grey eyes sparkled as you looked at me when I opened the door and for just a moment I thought you were laughing a me, but the kiss you gave me was anything but amusing. You kissed me like you hadn’t seen me for days, despite seeing me the day before. Your big hands were full but as soon as you dumped the wine on my. So now the arrangement- 4 on bed 4 on extended mattresses on floor- i and Ananya had quietly taken the corner most spit on the floor. She was left most i was to her right and every one was to my right. The laptop was placed in a manner that everyone was looking right. So we had a clear go. I was wearing a t-shirt and a half lower. She was in tights, bra, round neck top, with pull over on it (one with the zip kind (hoodie with a zip)). So people now the actual fun begins.I am sleeping to her right. With my left hand i got hold of her right hand. Our fingers intertwined and she held them tight. A fight had ensued between our feet. I was moving a foot up and down up to her knees. We did this for some time. Since my left hand was occupied, i placed my right hand on her stomach over her hoodie. I played with it. I moved down till i found the end. Her tee was tucked inside her lower tights. So to insert into her tee i had to insert hand into the tights and technically just centimeters above.
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