The truth is I’ve been unemployed for some time and I just lost my roommate unexpectedly and…. Well, I just got a job and am trying to get on my feet.’ ‘There are a lot of things to do that don’t cost money, Ray. If you wanted to walk through the park with me I would say yes.’ ‘You would?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Yes.’ She was smiling at me and my mind was spinning. I wanted to believe her and I wanted to hang out with her, but it was making me feel really anxious anticipating what could go wrong. I couldn’t feel good about hanging out with a girl and barely being able to buy her a hot dog from a cart. She deserved better than me and I said so. ‘Alicia, you shouldn’t waste your time with me. You probably have a bunch of guys asking you out all the time, guys who could buy you a nice dinner and take you cool places.’ ‘Yeah, they’re lining up outside my door. I think I got about twenty text messages just while we were having coffee,’ she laughed, then went on, ‘I’m kidding, Ray. The truth is. Otherwise I would have asked. And you wouldn’t have slept on the couch, either.”A look of surprise overtook my face. “But ... what about ... I thought you didn’t...” I was perplexed by my hesitation and shyness, wondering why I was having so much trouble verbalizing this to someone to whom I had confessed my feelings just hours earlier.She looked away for a moment and sighed. “It’s hard to explain. Mostly what it is ... I don’t want to get used for sex anymore. I mean, you wouldn’t have recognized me two years ago, I don’t think. I was on telephone chat lines, in online chat rooms, talking to pretty much every guy who came along. I would tell them my name, and within about five minutes they were asking me everything from my cup size to whether I’m shaved to whether I would send them nude selfies. And usually, before the night was over, we’d meet and be in bed together.”“And that has been the way it was for me for a good chunk of my life because even back in high school, that’s what I.
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