A cough behind him interrupted us and I peeked around his shoulder, ‘Hi again, Nikki here, I was just walkin’ out when I ran into your husband here, I was just about to head up to the sun deck to relax until we set sail, how about you guys?’ I got my first view of her, covered in a long t-shirt, hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, thick cheap sunglasses perched on her nose, I grinned at her as she spoke, ‘I believe we were heading in the same direction…’. She glanced at her husband as if unsure, I saw her fingers nervously tugging at the bottom of her t-shirt. I clapped my hands, emphasizing the difference in our ages, my breasts swaying gently with my enthusiasm, ‘Perfect! Why don’t we all walk together? My boyfriend and I broke up and I just couldn’t force myself not to come on the trip so I don’t know a single person here! But don’t worry, I’m not needy or clingy or anything, I know everyone’s on their own vacation!’ The woman surprised me with a laugh, ‘Well come along then. Of course, what I just said is true, but I left off a single word which is key - ‘yet’. Now, you know my take on pharmaceuticals in general, with the obvious exception of antibiotics, and my take on psychoactive drugs, legal or illegal, except for alcohol, and that’s the real bone of contention.”“But nobody has prescribed the drugs.”“That’s also true, but bipolar disorder generally progresses and worsens with age. What scares the hell out of me is that it will come to a point where drugs will be deemed necessary to control it. I don’t have to take them, of course, unless someone can prove that I’m an immediate danger to myself or others, but that risks my behavior being erratic, which is why Liz sent me home from work.“So far, I’ve really only had a few episodes of depression, and all things being equal, they’ve been mild, and they’ve been related to what you could call ‘normal’ life events - the deaths of my close friends Jorge, Birgit Andersson, Stephie Grant, and Nick Evans. None.
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