She had lived 89 adventurous years, the last 30 as a widow. We had retired to her house, now our house to do with as we pleased, to divide up her personal belongings. There were five of us kids, if you can call 50 to 65 year old siblings kids, and we had made short work of it. My two brothers and two sisters were gone, having taken what they could with them. I was sitting in moms kitchen with my wife, poring over an ammo box full of personal effects and letters that my parents had written each other during their early married years. Most of them written while dad was overseas fighting the Germans and mom was home with me, a just off the breast two year old brat. I vaguely remember being babysat by my grandmother while mom went to work at the local truck plant, taking dads place on the assembly line. Mom was a very headstrong woman, who ran the household with something of an iron grip, both before dad came home, and after. She taught us all to think for ourselves, go after the things. "It's not smooth. It's not smooth at all."And, indeed, it never had been for Karen.In a sense, she still thought of herself as a virgin. Perhaps not so in the literal sense, but in an emotional sense there was a truth about this she was too embarrassed to admit. True, she had experimented. There were the men who'd enjoyed her body when times were hard and the doctors' bills most difficult to afford, but she knew for sure that she'd not really relished their affection as much as they apparently did. And, in any case, her scruples had never let her go beyond oral sex. She may have suffered financially as a result, but she had limits she'd set herself, however desperate she might have been.When she was young and not so sure of herself she'd even had sex with women, but this was wholly unsatisfactory and more than anything reinforced in her mind just where her sexual preferences lay. It wasn't just the humiliation of leaving her female lovers dissatisfied: there was also the deeper.
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