Little tits. I can see them. Others can too. Whycan't Scott see them? Why can't he say something about them? I am doingthis for him.I was invited to join a tasting table at my restaurant this week. I tookoff my whites and I wore a white dress with a cowl neck. White because Istill wanted to identify myself as a cook amongst those critics who seempoorly qualified to judge our work. The cowl neck to show off what wasgrowing, assisting by some soft inserts and a bra designed to push alittle flesh into the illusion of a good bosom. I wore earrings too -not just studs. My hair has grown a bit and I thought that I lookedgood.Everybody at the table was very nice. They talked about me making goodprogress with my transition, and "finally achieving my dreams". Theyhave no idea what I am going through - the pain of being invisible to theman I love.Then, just when I was giving up hope, Scott came out to present some foodand he whispered in my ear: "You look fat". It was a lie and. I’d call him in the morning and ask his advice.“In the morning I’ll make a few calls to some people who might be able to help. I have lots of friends and contacts that might be valuable.”“Thanks, Steve.”“Hang in there, Katy. I know it’s difficult.”She nodded and I held out my arms. She stepped in close and I hugged her tight before heading to the sunroom to join Jessica, Kara, and the kids.October 24, 1990, Chicago, Illinois“Do you think any of your friends can help?” Jessica asked as we walked to the hospital on Wednesday morning.“I suppose it depends on what you mean by help. Right now we’re flailing around in the dark. I’m hoping that Patrick Shaughnessy, Gwen Meyer, or Phil Lache can provide some ideas.”I also had an ace-in-the-hole in my connections to the Chicago Outfit, but I already owed them for the favor they’d done for me, and I didn’t want to increase that debt if I didn’t have to.“What do you think happened with her?”“I have no idea,” I said. “It’s possible she decided.
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