"He said it looked like a python." Right," I said. "And do you know he's only fourteen? He skipped a grade." So? What's that got to do with it? If he's hung, he's hung. Anyhow, I thought maybe you had seen it." She grinned at me."My brother is a jerk, a nerd, a bookworm, a drudge and a dope even if he did make the baseball team. He doesn't even look at girls." I had to admit the idea excited me, and I certainly hadn't seen my brother naked since he got bathed with me when we were little kids.So when I got home and changed my clothes, I ventured into his room and clicked on his Mac. I looked at the online history and there were all these porn sites, mostly stories but pictures and videos too. I looked at a couple. He was very interested in girls, especially cock-sucking girls.So when he got home from baseball practice, I followed him into his room and sat on the side of his messy bed. "How'd it go?" I asked.He nodded his shaggy head. "Got to pitch some batting practice," he said,. .. but" What ... you've got another problem and you don't want your little sister to see?" Taylor!" It's not like I haven't seen one before!" she laughed."Taylor ... too much information!" Okay ... but with the smile on your face when we came in you must have been having quite a dream!" Out!" Okay ... but be quick."She left, laughing, following Amelia toward mom and dad's room.As I showered I thought about the dream. Why was I suddenly dreaming about Becky? Was Taylor right? She seemed certain Becky still loved me. It was just a dream and dreams often don't make any sense, but this one was particularly vivid. Was I just "passin' through"? She was beautiful and smart and ... damn ... she did have great legs.Could she, or any woman, ever fill the hole in my chest where my heart used to be? And what about Amelia? In my grief I had pictured myself growing old as the lonely widower raising a daughter on my own ... but that was grief talking, not reality. What would it really be like to.
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