I had no answers.The doctor I started to see helped me a lot, and many of the issues that made me ripe for taking had been brought out and laid to rest... yet I was still alone every night. After John hurt me while having sex that night... I just gave up. I thought John would never come back to me... his anger was too deep.I made up my mind to wait however long it took to see if John would ever think about trying to be with me again. I didn't want any other man. I wanted my John. If I ever got the chance, I'd never... ever... let anything happen to us again. John was my happiness, and I knew that now. I was painfully aware that the chances of us being a couple again were extremely slight.When John started dating that slut... okay, that's not fair, she probably really isn't a slut or a bitch at all... all the same, I felt like she... Nancy, was taking John away from me with a certainty that I couldn't prevent. Helpless, I could only watch as my one true love, the man I loved all these. " he said. "I will love you as well. I find older women, well grateful."I could tell he was just playing along, so I wasn't offended. "We will have to see about that," I suggested. "If you want to put your dick where your mouth is, give me five minutes then come on up."I used the time in my bathroom to clean up and lubricate my channels. I was getting high just from the feel of getting ready. It was truly something new for me. Of course, I was learning more about my new body all the time. The integration of my 'brain' and the mechanical body seemed to be progressing. I hadn't expected it and I had to wondered if the nerds and geeks had.The difference was that I no longer made the distinction between old body memories and new body memories every time. Both were pleasurable and in only slightly different ways. Maybe all sex, even human sex, was comprised in part of memories of previous good sexual experiences. If not for the pleasurable memory, why would we try to repeat the experience.
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