Chuck’s Favorite Foods:WhiskeySteel WoolSometimes when Chuck Norris gets tired of Whiskey or steel wool, he’ll eat bread, cheese, tomato paste and a handful of basil, which sounds like a pizza but it’s not because Chuck Norris doesn’t want to give the Italian’s credit.Chuck Norris EncountersOne time for Halloween I was trick or treating and I dressed up like a pussy because you are supposed to dress up in something you are not. I also figured that Chuck Norris would appreciate ironic humor.When I arrived at Chuck’s house it was a floating volcano with American Bald Eagles flying around it. I walked up the long staircase which seem like it took days. I knock on his door and the door automatically open up, there was Chuck Norris sitting on his throne naked with a red cape on and he was wearing on his finger a giant Diamond Ring that has Unicorn with a huge erection on it. I dared not to make eye contact with Chuck because if you do you will spontaneously combust. So I bowed my head. She moved suddenly then, letting go of me, twisting in my grip. I had to pull my hips back quickly to protect myself. She put her arms around my face and stared at me.“Don’t hate me, Tommy,” she said.“What the fuck? For what? For doing that? Don’t be fucking daft!”Maybe not the correct phrasing. She burst into tears again, burying her head in my neck. I let her calm down, once again, before I spoke again.“Mrs Shelby, Laura, I have never, you hear me? Never, had a reason to hate you. Never, had a reason to hate anything that you have done. I admit, some of the things that have happened in the past, I have not liked, but I have never stopped loving you.”“How can you say that, Tommy? I pushed you away. I let him treat me like that. Now I have acted like a dirty little slut, using my brother’s cock to pleasure myself.”I rolled her onto her back, pinning one arm and one leg with my own, holding her chin and forcing her to look at me.“I told you, a new start after the funeral. Yesterday.
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