They wanted to make us suffer beforethey raped and killed us. I believe the shock, the pain from the gunshotwound, and the fear of being raped and killed caused her to want to giveup her spirit."I was quiet for some time thinking about my situation. My body rockedback and forth in the saddle and I found myself somewhat enjoying therhythm of it all. Perhaps it was the extra padding on my backside, orthe fact I was much lighter than I was before, but riding felt morecomfortable. I knew that I didn't miss my manhood, at least not while Iwas in the saddle. Even that admission in my own mind made it feel likeI was giving into my new lot in life. Was I becoming so feminine sosoon? Would I next want to start baking, darning socks, and havingchildren? I shuddered at the thought of being on the receiving end ofsex."Anpaytoo? Do you have any family left? Another tribe that would takeyou in?" No. Their spirits have all left this world. I am alone now." You'll never be alone as long as I have. What she said about Ben still being in love with me shocked me and as a result I didn't recognize her. Ivan also questions, "Yes Donaldduckson lady what did wolf that is also lady talk to you bout?"I decide I don't want to repeat what she told me about Ben so I lie a little and say, "I was busy arguing with Stacy and didn't recognize her..."For some reason Jennifer decided to lie about what the strange woman said to her, but I remember because it hurt like hell to hear that 'Ben sent all his love to her'. I still have hopes that Ben will love me. But I don't understand something so I ask, "What in the hell is this wolf that is also a lady? Are you telling me it was that strange woman who was with us?"Liz answers, "It's what Ivan calls her. Somehow she could communicate with Ivan when we were in the tunnels and he drew some pictures of her and Ben together."Jennifer adds, "Yeah, the picture of Ben was so realistic I could feel his spirit."Liz adds, "And she looked just like the.
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