And a crumpled dollar’s worth of short-changed self-pity. I’ve gone through the 12-steps of bullshit too many times to count. It’s all one big circle-jerk in plastic chairs with a plate of cookies and a dozen years of sob stories. If you’re real lucky, a few scripture verses too. What do they say though? Guilt festers and consumes when you think you deserve it.At the same time though, when you got blood like mine… when that blood has painted back-alleys into ruby-red murals because you were just another punk-ass kid with the world to fight, there’s always that scrap of pride that can’t be beaten outta you completely.So, about half a dozen stops ago, I abandoned my sketchbook and inks and charcoal pencils and stared right back, fingers tapping out a hip-hop beat on the handrail. That only got’em riled up, the whispers traveling through the cramped metal tube like paint in water. Not a single bit of clear liquid is spared the dirty truth of who and what I am. What I’ve done. It moves. I left the room when the breastfeeding began but quickly returned with my camera. I took a picture of Fay Marie at her mother’s breast as Mom placed her head on Vicky’s shoulder and watched with a radiant smile. It would become my favorite photo of all time. Mom burped her granddaughter. Harry and Fay were waiting for us in the living room when we returned and the legal papers where on the coffee table ready for us. Vicky and I were shown where to sign and we did so without as much as a glance at the details. I figured that if Harry wasOK with it I was too. Vicky figured that if Fay was OK with it she was too. Fay and Harry each put the originals in their briefcases and copies on the table then the conversation immediately turned to how adorable my daughter was. Harry asked to hold her claiming her as his new client, which brought an immediate challenge from Fay. We saw that her indignant reaction was a complete sham, her big smile gave it away. I saw that Harry was already one.
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