--George Burns"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation".--Lily Tomlin"My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex—ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant". --Margaret Cho"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects".--Les Dawson"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship".--Sharon Stone"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time".--Robin Williams"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No'".--Woody Allen"Erotica is using a feather; pornography is using the whole chicken".--Isabel Allende"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life".--Emo Philips"If you wear a short enough. ‘Yes,’ Gerard said, his jaw clenching as he saw how ill-at-ease Elizabeth was in the presence of his family. ‘We had a very lovely day together.’ ‘That’s nice, darling,’ his mother said, smiling thinly. ‘Where is it you said you were from again, dear?’ she asked, piercing Elizabeth with her gaze. ‘Syresham, ma’am,’ Elizabeth said, clasping her hands in front of her and twiddling her thumbs. It was a nervous habit. ‘That is quite far out in the country, isn’t it, girl?’ Maybelle said, jumping into the discussion. ‘Not really, ma’am,’ Elizabeth said, turning her attention to the older woman. ‘It is only few hours away from Brackley.’ ‘Just the other day you were teasing me that it was a whole two hours away,’ Gerard said, smiling down at her and trying to relax her. It worked a bit — she gave him a small smile. ‘Is that where you went, Gerard?’ Edith interrupted, now pinning her stare on her son. ‘You went all the way out there to visit her?’ Gerard bristled at his mother’s tone..
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