Just as I was thinking about this, the phone rang, and my cousin was talking to me she said “Katarina, I need your help can I come around and see you please as soon as possible” I said “yes, but what’s the matter it sounds like your crying” she said “ can I stay with you for a day or to please, I will explain when I see you OK” I said “of course you can see you in a bit OK” she said “I’ll be there in about ten minutes” she put the phone down, I know she knew I always was naked at home, but I thought I would get my robe on anyway before she came and make a drink, after about twenty minutes there was a knock on my door so I opened it and Anastasia was standing there crying, I got her case in and asked what was wrong, she said her boyfriend had beaten her up, she undone her coat and I could see her top was all ripped nearly all the way down to the hem, her bra was broke in the middle and she had no knickers on, the lower half of her body was scratched and was covered in big red. She ran at me and tried to pound me with her fists. Her coat fell to our feet. When I grabbed her wrists she struggled and kicked and tried to yank a hand free to hit me. ‘You bastard, you bastard, you bastard!’ And then she collapsed against me and was crying on my chest, and my face was down next to hers, and I was talking to her again. ‘Don’t leave. Stay. Please, stay. Please.’ I was crying too, and kissing her hair, and holding her up. We stood like that for several minutes. I don’t know how long. She never struggled, never tried to get away. Her face was against my chest, her arms at my waist, my arms around her, my cheek on her hair, and we were swaying together. Our shadow against the wall in the yellow light was swaying along with us, looking warm and affectionate. Spots and trails of melted snow projected onto the wall and ceiling. And I was sick at heart. I was sick at heart because I was so weak. I had given her hope. I had to crush that hope. I had to hurt her all over.
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