"It is very, very difficult to say anything that shocks Maggie Benson. I had just done it."And it's true. I do love her. And I shouldn't be afraid to say it, nor should I be afraid to dismiss people who don't deserve the time of day from me. I can't count the number of times that I've gone to a party and spent the whole party flitting from person to person being witty and charming-when what I really wanted to be doing was sitting in the corner with Maggie and Michelle Ingemi, gossiping. That's not going to happen anymore. And that goes doubly true now that I have a boyfriend." So, yeah, I've changed. The people that I care about, well, I hope they know more now how much I care about them. And the people that I don't care about, I don't care about. Nobody in this room, actually-everyone in here that I know well at all, I like. But there are others, who probably were all set to vote me Miss Popular for the yearbook, who will now think I'm a bitch. So be it." Honestly, I consider Amanda. But there had always been something in the air that excluded me in some indefinable way when they were all together.Now, as one of them passed me, and stopped to get a hug, and maybe a little smooch, there was an overall atmosphere almost of ... sadness!Beth seemed especially affected. Her hugs were a little more clinging, and her kisses a little more drawn out and hungry. Their days of making up schedules seemed to have gone by the wayside. A woman came through my bedroom door every night, but I was never sure who it would be. When it was Beth, though, I knew I was in for a workout, and that it was likely our skin would touch from the moment she got into bed, to the moment she got out. I even asked her about it in a round-about way one night."You okay?" Mm hm," she murmured into my shoulder."You seem sad, somehow."She pulled her face out of my neck and looked at me. "Sad that it took this long to be able to do this, maybe."That made no sense. She'd been doing this for years. Maybe.
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