G accepted my “failure”, but I was far from at peace. Previous failures had always had a clear cause and weren’t troubling. This was different. For the rest of our weekend together, there was no pressure put upon me, but I was unsettled. When we came to bed or remained in bed, what had come so naturally was suddenly gone.Erectile dysfunction is very isolating for us men. While I knew that there were others with similar issues, they weren’t easy to find. My primary care doctor seemed uncomfortable when I approached him about my issue.The specialist he referred me to gave me samples of the three available types of pills and I began using Viagra. Over time it became less and less effective. I still had some erections, but it was getting more and more difficult to have intercourse and it became less and less frequent.Much later on I tried trimix, where I injected my cock with medication, and several times it worked well, but that was abandoned after its limited. I had Motive and Means, and for a few days after completing my holding pen for James, I became listless, believing that I may not get a chance to have James where I want him. That changed when my parents announced that they were going to take a "second honeymoon", or something, without me, if it was okay to leave me home alone for two weeks. My grandparents lived up the street, and I'd report there from time to time and eat meals I didn't make myself there.It was so perfect I nearly cried. Well, only kidding. But, I was very pleased indeed. All I had to do was bring James to the party.His house was quite near mine. He had to pass by my street to get home. One night I went out with some friends and went home early, laying in wait with some equipment and a lot of nerve in an alley near my house. It was 45 minutes until James passed. I was immediately in action. I dived on his back and shoulders and he fell to the ground, yelling "Fuck". He was on the ground and I was immediately rubbing.
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