.I felt so lonely in school today. I didn't tell everyone it was my birthday, but even when they did find out everyone except Big Bear and Annie A. just said happy birthday and that was it. Annie A. was really nice today. I don't know why; she's usually a bitch. Sometimes I have problems with Big Bear, however, he can realize every once in a while I need a kind word. Still at the ending of the first period I really wish I could have a hug from that one special person. *[full name was footnoted again]He got his hair cut, at first it was a shock, but it isn't bad. It looks better at the back. I want him, I love him, I long to be near him. This is more dangerous then wanting sex in general because it is more likely to happen. Day after my Birthday ---CI want him. I want him so bad. Why do I want him? I spent the evening socializing with other choir people. I thought of a new way to do what? I lost my train of thought. I was just thinking how I feel like that one Beatles song. [I. “Would you like to whip me with a horse whip?” she asked.“Indeed, I think I should enjoy that very much,” I confessed.“Oh!” she squealed delightedly, “What fun! ah that will be all Hanson. Thank you.”I expected to be dismissed on the spot but she was actually laughing.His Lordship and his young wife Lady Jane returned in time for dinner so I had to be on duty in the dining room.They ate the sumptuous repast with all the decorum of pigs at a trough, and drank the fine wine as if it were lemon cordial.“I say,” Lady Margaret, the Dowager, suddenly announced after rather too much french wine, “It would appear that Hanson here has a passion for whipping poor unsuspecting wenches with a horse whip.”“Has he been abusing the servants?” Lord H enquired.“No,” she replied, “But a reliable source tells me he likes to have some common trollop dress in mourning black and then he whips and sodomises them.”“Good God mother, in black?” Lord H laughed, “Perhaps you have an admirer! What say you.
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