Thanksgiving was only a few weeks later. I had no contact with him nor did I really persue any contact. The semester was tough for me and we were at different schools. I couldn't get my mind off the utter physical pleasure I had recieved from him but, still wrestled with extreme guilt feelings and questions about my sexuality. I was very much attracted to women but, did not have alot of contact on a day to day basis to develop any relationships. My most pleasurable sexual experience was with my closest male friend. I could not face him initially when he arrived home. We were at a mutual friends house with others and I kept talking to others and avoiding him. Another friend approached me and asked me if I was mad at my closest friend. I replied of course not sheepishly and said that I had some catching up to do with others to which he replied (I'll call him Tim, my closest male friend) Tim feels a little put off by my avoidance. I walked over to Tim after I was done with my. They had only a short time together no more than two years of self discoveries, of love. And since then Hoku hasn’t been able to bring herself to see other women, to touch them or to feel their touch on her, so she gave up on women all together. She hadn’t seen any of her old friends lately because everything seemed to remind her of Korie, and she had forced herself to move on to a newer working environment, a work place where she’s mostly on her own and free to do what she’s always wanted, Security. Getting irritated with the melancholy state she put herself in, she took a couple of deep breaths and blamed it on the rain. She walked over to the mirror to comb out her hair ‘Yes, everything did change…’ On the dresser stood a picture a family picture and she gazed at herself seeing the once almost bald head has turned into thick, shiny and long mass of hair. Most of the masculine features were soft and curvy, more feminine than she would like. Even the way she dressed, aside from her.
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