THE FLASHBACKWhen I graduated high school, I was, all things being equal, probably the biggest nerd in our class. I was about 5'1" -- tops. Maybe 125. Maybe. And it never occurred to me to get contacts, so I sported these godforsaken coke bottle glasses. It was a gruesome time, and I was miserable. It's hard to explain, but I seriously thought getting a girlfriend was a pipe dream. Remember when you were a kid, and you would think about how far-fetched it would be to grow up to be a movie star or something like that? That's really what it felt like to imagine myself with a girlfriend. It was a concept that was so ridiculously out of reach, I couldn't even fathom it. So as you could imagine, all I really did during those years was sit around and jerk off all the time. I mean, ALL THE TIME. I knew that's at least one thing I had going for me --- my cock was pretty big. I was pretty obsessive, like that kid at the start of the movie "Porky's" that would measure his cock. ” He showed her on the label how to read the alcohol level. “Whiskey is usually forty to fifty percent alcohol. When you decided to drink Culverin Mist like it was beer, you were drinking eighty-six proof whiskey. That’s forty-three percent alcohol, almost ten times the concentration of alcohol as the beer you and your friends try sneaking.” He continued explaining alcohol levels while he served up the bacon and sausage and pulled his own waffle from the waffle iron.“It’s worse than that,” he added. “Your drunkenness depends on your blood alcohol level. That is the percentage of your blood that is alcohol. I am probably twice your size. One ounce of booze is going to have a lot less effect on me than it will on you. If you try to keep up with me in a drinking contest, you are going to be in big trouble.”“Shit!” she muttered. “How bad was I the other night?”Jack smiled and shrugged. “Bad enough to be grounded. Not bad enough to be disowned and thrown out of the house. You’ll.
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