"2204 Crescent. That is what you said?" ... Yes, yes that's it." Then you're here."She paid the cabby who drove off leaving her alone on the sidewalk. It wasn't the worst part of town but far from the best as well and the attractive blonde wondered what she had gotten herself into. Her hand fingered the cell phone in her purse and she toyed with the idea of getting the cab back and simply going home. Rhonda's words, however, about excitement and mystery piqued her interest anew and so with a small shake of her head to bolster her, she stepped forward to the single unadorned slightly rusting metal door, a single intercom button to the right.She hesitated a last time wondering if this was such a good idea, but chiding herself for her cowardice she pushed the button.She smiled as the door opened and Rhonda, in a very alluring gown stood gazing back at her.Catherine started to speak but her friend immediately held her finger to her lips indicating Catherine should keep silent. Puzzled,. So whats your decision Lizzy? You wanna do this my way or the hard way? I hated those words. Every time she said that, what it really meant was give me what I want, or Ill make you wish you had. This time, instead of images of a belt drawing blood across my skin, her words conjured images of me screaming and flailing on the living room floor, invisible hands holding me down, the heat of other bodies scalding me in the darkness, forcing me to feel a pleasure I was ashamed to feel. If sex is pleasure and abuse is pain, then rape is a turmoil that makes me desire punishment. I knew what they did to me, what they would continue doing to me, was wrong, but my body had betrayed me. Knowing that part of me enjoyed it, even if it was just some reflex no one has control over, it was enough to make me hate myself. I was struggling to convince myself that it wasnt my fault. I didnt ask for what happened. I cant help how my body feels either. These are things I cant control. Why should I feel.
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