'Knowing you'll be going home to your husband with my cum deep inside you makes it worth it. And I don't care if I've made you pregnant -- it's up to you whether you keep it or not. I'll just deny it -- and besides you won't tell anyone it's mine because you value you're friendship with mom too much.'I was mad. Partly because I had been so stupid and partly because he turned me on so much. I hurriedly got dressed and then waited for the right time to sneak out of the house without getting caught.Two weeks later I took the test. When I saw the blue line my heart jumped. I had thought about getting the morning after pill, but decided to risk it. After all I was 53 and 53year olds didn't get themselves pregnant did they?But also over the following weeks my thoughts changed. I knew Dan would fuck me any time I asked him to. I made sure I fucked my husband a few times and told him the condom had split and that he was going to be a father again. He took the news well.Then I set about. Why worry? Why yearn toward a dream that is doomed to be unfulfilled? Because it would ease my regret. The woman can’t even express her inner turmoil to others, apart from holding onto a loud, scratchy moan. She does this, on occasion, to no effect. She feels a part of her wanting to go back to the things she used to like- the feel of a new toothbrush against her gums, for instance. Such a little thing that the nurses here overlook so often. She would like to polish a jar of canned tomatoes and set it on the top shelf with its mates. Lick an envelope, stick a stamp neatly in the corner, drop it in the mailbox. She’d like to clean her body out with a hoot of honest laughter. She’d like to sit on the toilet by herself. She can fantasize about her independence all that she wants. She can pray all that she wants I never was a praying woman and in the end she will still be where she is. She knows this. It is her station in life, the resolution of a rather mundane plot. She knows she has.
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