It requires me to take special salts when I go to the bathroom.”“Special salts? Can’t you take them here?”“I guess I could ... it’s just that...”“No arguments. Mi casa su casa.”“Really? Wow, I love this bar.”The new guy heads for the bar’s men’s room and after a few minutes he returns to his barstool, but before resuming the conversation he makes an announcement.“Thank you for welcoming me to this fine establishment I’ve not felt this welcome in a long time. Bartender, I would like to but a round for the house.”“You got it. Hey everybody. The new guy has bought a round for the house.”As the locals were dinking and chatting, the neighborhood drunk came staggering into the bar and wanders off to the men’s room. A few seconds later there is an ear-shattering scream and the drunk comes running out of the men’s room, runs to the bar, reaches over and grabs the bartender by the front of his shirt and screams in his face.“THE BATHROOM! THE BATHROOM!”The bartender jumps over the bar and runs. He told me to leave my message in a slow accentless voice that his computer would convert into voice recognition and replace it instead with a variety of electronic voices that the recipients would hear instead of me.He'd done this trick before, but not for me, and he assured me that it was as close to bullet and idiot-proof as this sort of thing got. A thousand ears in law enforcement would probably be replaying this message for years to come and I couldn't leave any verbal or linguistic clues. I needed to be quick, simple and stupid. I'd already written my message out, using short words and the barest amount of necessary information needed to request police and EMS units at the James Curtiss estate cabin, behind the house near the swamp.It had to be done, but I didn't like it one little bit. The girl had to be rescued but this would only confirm for the Watters that I was clever little bitch with high level technical assets. I crossed my bare fingers and toes and prayed that this.
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