What you want doesn't enter into it, or even interest me. I've given you until the weekend to decide which of the two choices you'd prefer." What would I have to do with your girlfriend? I've never done anything with a girl before." You'd have to do whatever I told you to do Carla. I know that she likes to eat my cum out of another girl's pussy, so that would probably be one of the things. I think it would be only polite if you returned the favor too. I think that I would prefer it if you would suck my cock and clean it off for me before I fuck Audrey, but I'd allow you to do it after I finished fucking her too. That's about it I think." I don't know if I can do all that Barry. Isn't there another choice? Something that doesn't involve another girl?" Are you stupid Carla? Didn't you just hear me tell you that there were only two choices? Don't call me back until you've made your decision. In fact, don't ever call me at all. If you decide you'd prefer to have me not tell Walter, then. Stupidest thing in the world, knocking yourself off. Can't revengeyourself against nobody if you're dead.But at the moment I couldn't quite deal with the thought of being me. Atthe moment, I didn't even know what that meant anymore. Whatever aversionI had to mind-numbing drugs faded beneath a steady stream of littleyellow pills and larger red ones that kept reality far enough at bay forme to no longer care. The days shuffled past like a disgruntled teen onher way to school, self-absorbed and full of sullen mutters.Even in my dopey stupor a routine of sorts emerged. I started every daylying spread eagle on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. The morning sunwould dance across the far wall and crawl its way down to the floor likea living being, luminous and vibrant; it had little time for me. One dayit rained and without the light I felt an unimaginable sense of loss thatalmost had me in tears--if I'd had tears left to waste.Eventually I would drift over to the balcony and stare out.
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