So, spare me!”Aamna: “Okay! Very well! Time to take revenge for the Cockroach prank!”I peeped at Priya, she was looking apprehensive. I closed my eyes and turned my cheeks towards Aamna. The damn bitch slapped me hard, with all her might. I shivered. This was the first time someone had ever slapped me, including my parents. I said nothing. Priya’s face turned pale.Priya: “Ok-okkayyy! One turn over! Time to play Hide-and-Seek for one turn. Aamna, you count 1-to-20 at the corner, I and Sam will hide. Okay?”Aamna: “Oki-tokie!”Aamna went up to the corner, kept her palms on her eyes and started counting. Priya hurriedly clutched my hand and pulled me towards the kitchen. I ran with her to the kitchen. She went behind the fridge (a secret place where she used to hide from Aunt) and pulled me. Her face was worried, she held my face and kissed my cheeks, and then the lips. Her soft tongue poured hot saliva into my body, and dissolved the hatred that was accumulated within past 5 minutes.“I. I remind myself what I’ve already come through, and try to be mindful that if I could survive that, I can literally survive anything. But I’m tired. I’m so tired. My soul is drained, and there’s nothing left to give. Nothing left to bolster my spirits but sheer will alone. I have the undesirable ability to shut down emotions. I try not to flip that switch, because it can’t be turned back on. I will take so much punishment before I do it, because if there’s any chance, any tiny .000001% of a chance that it will get better, I want to hang on. I’m tenacious. I don’t know how to give up. I refuse to believe I can’t fix things no matter how bad they get. But I’m learning that I can’t fix people. I can’t make someone feel things, or make them want to provide what I need. They either will, or they won’t. People are drawn to me. Men especially. But I’ve only met two people in my life who just did not like me, and that was okay, because I found them despicable anyway. They were not good.
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