I'm just going through the motions, notliving at all. I guess it doesn't really matter. I've kinda stoppedtalking to God, since He doesn't seem to listen anyway. The other day Iactually screamed at Him, I was so mad. But even that didn't changeanything. Just how long will my torment last?******My knee feels better, which is okay, I guess. I got to thinking aboutwhat happened with my dad and realized it would be pretty selfish of meto kill myself and leave my body for my mom to find after she's alreadylost him. Its getting close to Christmas and the lights look pretty and even thesnow somehow looks better.I don't know if I'm any better, but I'm goingto try and survive.*****Merry Christmas, Diary!It was actually a nice Christmas. John is just glowing with his new-found faith. I'm still struggling with mine, but I'm happy for him. Asfor my gender stuff, well I have a confession. I've been crossdressing,"borrowing" my mom's stuff. I don't know how to describe how I feeldressed,. "This is a very good book. May I borrow it for awhile? I should like to read it." Would you read it aloud to us?" Milo asked. "Reading aloud is one ofthe favorite pastimes of hobbits. We have all read it in school, it isrequired reading in tertiary school for young hobbits. But to have awoman read it to us would be special."And that is how Ruth, also know temporarily as Snow White, settled inwith the seven hobbits. The first evening she wrote a long letter toher mother, hoping she would be able to find someone to read it to her.The hobbits delivered the letter the next evening, since they do notlike being seen by the big people in daylight. She not only baked breadfor them daily, it never lasting into a second day, but she cooked andcleaned house for them as well. She opened the door to the sewing room,and was almost knocked over by the pile of mending that was piledthere. Even so, she managed to make a huge dent in the pile as shefinished her first month with the hobbits.One other.
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