This courtesy, extended to me as a ‘gentleman’, was probably in recognition of my education rather than my birth. I found myself sitting alongside Miss Fox, and had the thrill of sharing my prayer-book with her. I sang out lustily, especially when my favourite Advent hymn O Come, O come Emanuel made an appearance in the morning service, rather than, as is more usual, at Evensong. I took Communion, and privately asked my Creator for forgiveness for my impure deeds and thoughts. I felt gratitude that this was the Church of England, and not the Church of Rome, and that I would not have to confess my sins to the pasty-looking, pop-eyed young curate who was casting admiring glances at my companion. I spent the remainder of the day at rest, as befits the Sabbath. I found a broken run of the Journal of Agriculture in the library, and flitted from article to article. I was totally enthralled by a weather diary that gave such remarkable details as the time of the dawn chorus on each day of. I didn’t know what to do or say. The realization of my actions suddenly came to me. I had just raped my sister; my loving, 13 year old baby sister. I had forced her to submit to my lustful, evil actions. I was scum!I reluctantly followed her to her room and gently tapped on the door. She didn’t answer so I tapped again, a little louder this time, still no answer. I softly spoke and said, “Squirt, are you all right? Squirt, tell me you’re all right, please. I feel so bad and after I saw the tears and everything, I just want to hear that you’re all right.”“Go away, Wit. If you must know, I am okay. You really hurt me though and you just…well, I’m okay, just disappointed that’s all. But you did hurt me so bad, in more ways than you know…” she let her voice trail off.That was the dagger to my heart, “in more ways than you know”. I will never be able to have her trust again. I’ve crossed the line of decency, I’ve forced myself on my sister; I’ve raped her. My God, what have.
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