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I charged into the house, went straight to my study, and dialed Pete and Melanie’s apartment. She answered on the third ring.“Stephanie’s been arrested!” I said without even a greeting.“Shit!” Melanie replied. “For what?”“At a minimum, resisting a police officer. I don’t know what else.”“Give me the short version, then I’ll come to you.”I ran through what had happened this morning, starting with Melody telling me that Stephanie was ready to talk and concluding with Stephanie calling the police officer a ‘cock sucking pig’.“That does tend to ensure you’ll be arrested,” Melanie said. “Where did they take her?”“Grand Central,” I said.“OK. Just wait at home for me. Do you have cash on hand?”“Yes. There’s nearly always a couple of thousand bucks in the safe in the basement.”“OK. You shouldn’t need that much for bond. I bet they charge her with disorderly conduct in addition to resisting arrest. Both are probably misdemeanors, so bond should be easy to make. See you in about an. They hop in a stretch limo and go out the front door. There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains and lakes and rivers. There is a huge castle on one of the mountains with about 200 rooms. St. Peter says “This will be yours for eternity. You can live in that castle with servants to wait on you hand and foot, and you can have everything you want.”The bus driver looks and St. Peter and says “Well, now, don’t think I’m not grateful, but shouldn’t the priest get all this, not me? Shouldn’t I get the cottage and 50 acres instead?”St. Peter just laughs and says “The reason you get all this is because when the priest preached, everyone fell asleep. Now, when you drove your bus, people prayed!”If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on Earth?Why is it that when you talk to God you’re praying, but when he talks to you, you’re crazy?Seen on a bumper sticker: “Old age is inevitable; growing up is optional.”My wife and I always.
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