”“I’m sorry,” he says again.I can’t have him keep apologising like this. “Do you do that often? Cum when you think of me?”There’s a long pause. “Yes,” he says finally. He sounds embarrassed.“I like that,” I reassure him. “I like it that you think of me like that.”“You’re amazing,” he says.“Thank you. Now, can I expect you tomorrow evening?”“Yes,” he says. “I’ll come tomorrow evening.”I don’t know if he realises the connotation of what he’s just said, but I giggle and say, “Yes, you will cum tomorrow. I’ll make sure of that.”“You’re amazing,” he says again.“Enough of that,” I say. “Goodnight.”“Goodnight,” he says. I sense something more coming. “And thank you.”“The pleasure was all mine.”I switch the phone off and the light out, but have trouble getting to sleep. I could work myself to a new climax, but I’m afraid of what I’ll fantasize about, since I know it won’t be John.What have I done? What have I said? What did I mean by it? What have I lead my secret admirer to believe, to. It is great to be around her then. Then again for me It isalways great to be around her. I know when the real Anna is out she hasa spark in her eye which is as bright as one from a zinc ember. I haveonly seen that sparkle in pictures. They are my favorite pictures.How I am talking about Anna now, am I just trying to make myself forgetwhat I want to forget when I deny I love Anna and need her and I to beone. That I want to forget how Anna begins to agree with me just toretreat back to safety. Then Anna begins to fade away. I cannot take thepain of her disappearing again.I need her in my life and if is only part time that is fine. I knowpeople who have their own personal version of Anna and they never evenget to see their dream woman at all, not even a picture. They only haveconversations with them. It is true that they never have to worry aboutthe lady who they want to be around all the time disappearing. I couldnot do so, I need Anna around as much as possible. I need her smilingface.
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