‘I really do.’ ‘Alright then. Can we talk about something else?’ I glanced to the back seat where our daughter usually sat. ‘Do you think I was wrong to leave Denise with my mother?’ ‘That isn’t exactly something else.’ ‘Yes it is,’ I insisted. Lynn’s eyes wandered and her mouth twitched for a handful of seconds. ‘I still don’t understand what it is you’re afraid of. This isn’t the dark ages and we’re lesbians, not mass-murderers. They aren’t going to stone us.’ ‘Not with rocks,’ I countered. ‘But words can hurt just as bad, and the bruises last longer. You know that.’ Lynn nodded, keeping her eyes to the road. ‘Yes, I know.’ ‘Do you still feel the same way about seeing your dad again?’ Lynn nodded again, this time with more resolution. ‘When my father disowned me because of who I loved, I disowned him back. I don’t intend to acknowledge his existence and I hope he affords me the same.’ I sighed as I thought of Lynn’s immediate family, or more like ex-family. Her father had indeed. He risked it all with her. He felt alive for the first time since he could remember. Before her, he felt as if he were marking time until his death. Existing. Breathing. Sleeping. Working. For one moment with her, he would give everything, and anything. He would give up all of his tomorrows for just one kiss. There was guilt. He felt guilty because he couldn’t give her everything she deserved. He wasn’t free to walk up to her and wrap his arms around her, stare into those eyes, and whisper, ‘I love you, baby.’ Left was his past. Right was his future. That’s how it felt as he looked at the green highway sign a hundred yards or so ahead. He thought of the trunk and his suitcase. And how it felt the last time he had done something similar. He had loved Lisa, more than any woman until she entered his life. There were similarities between the two, the hair color, stature. They both made me feel whole, like a man. The way Lisa cocked her head and grinned at him. The feeling of those fjord.
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