" Yes, even with all that," she said firmly. "I don't know what to tell you about your... feelings for me. All I can do is make sure you know I'm not going to make you deal with them on your own."I looked at her, comparing her reassuring smile with how I imagined my uncertain, tear-streaked face. She had put up with so much from me over the years, and once again she was dealing with my shit far better than I deserved. It made things both easier and harder at the same time.On impulse, and with my typical lack of thought behind it, I craned my neck up and kissed her. She clearly wasn't expecting it and pulled away quickly, but not before I got to feel the softness of her lips against mine for the first time."Okay, now you're pushing it," she said, though still with no trace of anger."I know," I said.I kissed her again and I was able to hold it for longer before she was able to gently push me away."I'm serious," she said, wagging a finger in my face. "That was your freebie. You know I'm. The thing that I realized at the moment when I did have sex was that I had fallen in love with Amanda. I just didn’t recognize it until now. I wanted to beat the crap out of myself for letting the realization take me so long to figure it out. I scoffed for a second and finally said, “Something like that.” And began walking towards school again. Now I had more questions I needed answers. Mainly the answers I needed was from myself. Some I needed from Amanda but figured to take it one step at a time. The first question I needed an answer from Amanda was if we could ever be more than friends and actually start dating. I put my hand in my pocket and felt my note for Amanda. Somehow the note seemed to comfort me mainly because that question was inside it. I just needed to give her the note so I could get my answer. Amanda caught up with me and spoke again, “Answer me.” I snapped my attention and looked at her, “Sorry what was the question.” I frowned at me, “I asked ‘Then how come you.
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