Butlooking within myself I found the answer.The darkness, my future self, needed to give his past selfs his ownability in order to be able to travel back to that point in time. With it,he gave the body a hidden command. To turn female after a few minutes. Tothis day I don't know why my future self gave this hidden command. Itpuzzled me for quite some time.I have my guesses and the one making the most sense also scares me themost. Hadn't my future self found like-minded compatriots? People as vileas him with the very same regrets as himself? If he managed to give them aride to the past they would need bodies. And technically a female bodycould 'produce' those.While my parents tried to calm their thirteen-year-old boy turned girl myreal panic and distress came from another source. I was sure turningfemale altered the timeline. I was in a branch of the original, but was Isafe? The fact that the darkness hadn't swallowed me yet gave me hope. Butwhat if in this timeline I turned into a. ..I didn't really know what the hell kind of degree I'd wind up with someday. But that didn't really matter to me. Not the way my sister matters.If I jogged the whole way home from NSCC, I could be waiting at the curb as the mailman drove up in front of our little house in his rotting Jeep with the steering wheel on the wrong side.When I run like that in the summer the sweat drips off me. But this was winter. A deep inhalation of frigid air felt like a thousand tiny daggers flying into my lungs. A gasping exhaled breath would spout a huge cloud of steam into the air. I'd futilely flap my arms for warmth while eyeing the cancerous orange rust reaching inexorably up the Jeep's sides and into its guts.The mailman probably didn't give a rip about the rust - the sooner the engine fell out, the sooner he'd get a newer rig with a newer heater. You need a good heater to survive driving around Syracuse in winter while the salt dumped on the roads relentlessly chews away at the metal around.
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