Her hair was long and jet black. The girl might have been a little on the heavy side, but that was certainly not something Henry VIII could complain about. And, anyway, if she was heavy, the extra weight was definitely all in the right places. The king had to have her, and the perfect opportunity had just presented itself. Majestically, the king dismounted. He walked over to the girl’s father, and had him lifted up to his knees. Then Henry dramatically drew his sword. He wanted the girl to get the full effect. Poor Samantha was indeed terrified. She was sure that her beloved father was about to be killed. The girl was just getting ready to run out and beg for mercy, when the king turned to her first. Henry turned to face the girl. Then, in his best royal voice he proclaimed, ‘Gentlemen, this peasant has committed an act of treason in killing a royal deer. We should have him killed at once, but We are feeling merciful. Therefore, we will grant this miserable peasant his life, and even. I haven’t had a man in almost two years. I deserve to get laid! Don’t they teach us that sex is a holy act, that you should enjoy your sexuality, and take advantage of your chances to experience sexual bliss? Sex makes you stronger, it makes you happier, it’s a positive force! OK, OK, so I SHOULD merely use my looks and my charm to pick up a guy, not my powers. And I will! The power is just a back-up. OK, so whom will it be? Why do nightclubs have to dim the lights so much? Are they purposely trying to make people hook up with coyotes? Do they get commission on all the couples they pair off for the night? I may be horny, but I’m not desperate… Hey… how about that guy over there? Broad shoulders, tall, blond hair… yeah, he’s sexy. Is he with anyone? A jealous girlfriend? A bitchy boyfriend? No? What the eff is he doing out on his own, a gorgeous guy like that? Oh, well, if no-one else is going to snatch him up, I sure am! ‘Hi…’ Oh, whow, sexy eyes, too! But… he’s not impressed by.
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