As Kelli shecouldn't get enough of me, as Michael she didn't even want to talk tome. As much as I had fought this weird journey, Kelli is who I am. Iloved Kelli. I loved the clothes, the attention and I loved Candy's. Itwas my company.Kelli was so deeply imbedded in my everyday thinking and planning. Oneday while I was putting my makeup on I reflected on my appearance,there were a couple of things that stuck out for me. As I looked in themirror the two things that I didn't like was my Adams apple and boobs,I hated the fact I had to wear breast forms to appear like a normalwoman. I was always self-conscious about the fact someone would notice.I also hated the fact that when I dressed in lingerie I lost my bust.If I was being honest with myself and I was going to become Kelli forreal then breast implants were a must. But if I did go down that routeI also knew there would be no going back. No running away. For days Iwandered around seemingly lost and in a daze as I reflected. That you don’t sometimes see me as a woman, not just your sister … that you don’t want me sometimes?’ She wasn’t going into one, she wasn’t getting angry, she was calm and cool, I was the one starting sweat and panic but she was driving the conversation in the direction that SHE wanted it to go. I hadn’t thought this conversation out, but she had! Right then I knew that I was royally fucked. This was one battle I was going to lose. ‘Maybe…’ I mumbled, ‘But you are still my little sister, Emms.’ She leaned forward until her face was only a couple of inches from mine. ‘I haven’t been your ‘little sister’ since that first time we kissed in Mum’s car after the Pharaoh’s concert at Devizes.’ ‘That was just a mistake….’ I was drowning now and she was just ducking my head under the water for the fun of it… she already knew I was beaten. ‘You wanted me then… and you want me now, a girl knows these things.’ She was laughing but she was so damned right, I did wanted her back then and she was.
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