" "OK." "Thanks." I had also made a decision about Alice. She would not appear again until things calmed down quite a bit. There was no need to tell anyone, especially Caroline. But I found myself wearing the garters and stockings. Occasionally, I would put the bra on under my regular cloths. I didn't ever think about it. I just did it. The word processor in my office was full of scientific data on the chimps and the drug. All the combinations and what worked. I was working late one night and the sudden thought about all this data gave me the idea to "back up" all the data. When I was finished with everything, I took a new box of disks and after 20 disks, stored the entire file starting with Mary and ending with that day. Things would be getting squirly and I needed proof if the originals were lost or taken. I just looked at the stuff. I was getting paranoid. There were some sleazy people in this equation. I boxed up the disks and sent them to Mary in New Orleans. I figured she. ..” He sat there for a few minutes, and then quietly, almost whisperingly, said, “I killed people.”I took the bottle from him and had another drink. “I know, Charlie, I know.” He looked over at me bleakly. “I read some of the reports. I know it probably won’t make it any easier, but you had to do it.”This time he didn’t grab the bottle back, but just turned and stared into space some more. After another couple of minutes, he said, “We train and we train and we train, but it’s just words. Then I had to service my target, and it was just a kid, and he was shooting at us, and I serviced my target. And then the target next to him, and then another target. And they weren’t targets. They were people, guys my age.”“I know, Charlie. That’s the way it always is. I never liked it either.”“I’ve heard some of the guys laughing it off, talking about blowing away guys, and I used to laugh, but they’re not just targets!” He kept staring, and then added, “I don’t want to service the target, and now.
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