”“This is a tempting offer, gentlemen, but I would need to discuss it with my wife before giving you an answer. I’d also like to know a little more about your facilities and personnel before giving you a final answer.” I stood then to signal that the meeting was over. We shook hands and they walked out the door. Sandra was curious, but I wouldn’t say anything about our discussion.I left the office at five and was home ten minutes later. I wasn’t surprised to see Jonathan’s car in the driveway. He and Marylou visited often, especially now that Lucy was expecting again. However, I was surprised at the greeting I got when I walked into the family room. “Well, did you take the job,” Lucy asked as she rushed to kiss me.I just stood silently until Jonathan said, “Oh no…don’t tell us that you turned it down.”“You know what this is? It’s a conspiracy. Why am I always the last one to know what’s going on?”“I only found out this morning, Matt. Miles Smart told me that they were. You can do the same thing with this batch. If you're willing to suffer. You are willing to suffer, aren't you martyr-boy?"I'm no martyr."Sure you are. You love the idea of carrying the weight and suffering of the entire world on your shoulders. You go out of your way to take responsibility for sins that aren't even yours. It blends so well with that over-blown sense of humility. Hell, you'd rather nail yourself to a cross and hang there while the admiring crowd stands around ooohing and ahhhing your act of self sacrifice than stand up and do something about it. It's funny really. You claim that you don't believe in religion, but the faith you don't believe in has turned you into an emotional eunuch. You've avoided your own feelings and emotions by sifting thru those of other people, using your job as an excuse and justification. You still don't think you have a right to your own feelings as well as those of everyone around you. You have one great big honkin' guilt complex going here.
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