"You also promised me, after the incident with your parents, that you'dstopped lying to me," Joshua says. "Whether or not you decide totransition is less important than whether or not I feel I can trust youagain." I understand," I whisper."On the other hand," Joshua says, "you ARE still worth your weight ingold for publicity. Your fans love you- I believe you were mobbed forselfies on your way home, right?" ...One or two," I say with a coy smile."The public do not need to know the 'truth' about you," Joshua statesfirmly. "The only people who know are your family, your friends in theband and some of the Angels. And I have sworn all of them to secrecy.And the last thing I need is you jumping ship to Spencer and Hall,they've been breathing down my neck enough in recent weeks!" If you're going to decide," I say, "I'd prefer you did it soon, eitherway, rather than keep me hanging on." "I understand that," Joshua says. "As soon as I've reached my decision,I will let you know immediately.". I sat there, more dead than alive. My heart was gone, my soul was gone, and all that was left was pain. The woman I loved had been taken away from me in the most brutal way possible, leaving me with a disease-riddled body and a shattered mind. Every aspect of my existence was gone, leaving only pain and vengeance.Sitting on that bed, clutching her dead body, I did not resist as the voices in my mind returned after years of peace, telling me to commit more crimes. Only this time, I did not care. I wanted vengeance. Ignoring the agony the racked my broken body, I retrieved the crowbar I had used and returned to the party. It was as if my eyes and mind had changed, letting me understand what the pain that I had endured.” He then stood up with his back to Eleanor. When he resumed speaking, it was with a raised voice. “I looked around wildly at all the people at the party, seeing them for the monsters they really were. There is no decency in this world, no kindness or civility. All the.
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