The lady - her name tag said Betty Reynolds - urged us to sit at the island, and I slumped into my chair. I'd been crying, I was angry, and Sue wouldn't meet my eyes."Would someone please tell me what's going on here? What happened?" I said.Betty took my hand and softly said, "Your Mom was found this morning. She passed away sometime last night."The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt the air leave me like a deflating balloon, and Nollie's arms went around me. I cried; deep, wracking sobs of pure grief. What had happened? Whose fault was this? I felt responsible, and the waves of guilt covered me like fog. I wasn't really aware of anything around me until I saw Emily's face close to mine. I cried louder and hugged her close, glad she was there.I remember swallowing a pill, and Nollie led me upstairs to my room. She undressed me, then herself, and tucked me into bed. I could feel her body heat, and her hand across my stomach.She whispered, "I'm here, baby, it'll be ok," over and. "You showed me how it can be."He looked over at her. Her brown eyes stared at him seriously. She wasn't teasing him."You're welcome," he said."I would never have known how to handle Randy if I hadn't been with you first," she said.Bob had been doing some thinking too. It was impossible for him to banish all guilt, or thoughts of how many societal conventions he had already flaunted on this trip."I shouldn't have done that, but I'm glad you feel like it turned out all right."She glanced out into the forest."Why are adults always such buttheads?"He didn't smile."We're expected to make the right choices. Sometimes in trying to do that, I guess we become buttheads." But it was so beautiful, so perfect. Something that amazing can't be wrong." Of course it can," he said. "Ask any heroin addict how beautiful the experience is." This isn't like that and you know it," she said."I could have made a baby in you, Mal," he said, softly. "And your brother was obviously trying to do that last.
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