. . Do you think . . . uhhh . . . I mean . . . can I see that magazine I saw you looking at?" Followed quickly with, "I PROMISE not to tell anyone...not even my friends." I could tell by her expression, she knew this question would either lead to her having a lot of fun for the rest of the weekend, or the exact opposite, that the rest of her stay would be spent in silence and total embarrassment. The question had already been asked, however, and she now sat nervously, waiting for my answer. "I don't know . . . Are you sure you want to look at that stuff? . . .It has a lot of naughty things in it." "I'm sure, Mr. Johnson . . .really! . . . Just for a little while?" she was begging me now, as she sensed that it was just a matter of convincing me she wouldn't be appalled. That also gave me that little advantage of perhaps moving our encounter to the next level. "Well," I said, "I would kind of like to look at them again for a while myself, but I guess you can look at the magazines with. I had about twenty dollars to my name, the office address of a probation officer, and a flyer from AA I grabbed on the way out of the jail. I had been to a few meetings over the years when judges made me, but I didn’t believe it. I wasn’t a junkie or an alcoholic. I could stop if I wanted to. I just didn’t want to. That was how I thought. But once I was dry, I could see that every problem in my life went back to it. I had hit rock bottom. So I called the AA hotline from the phone in the lobby of the jail. They were nice enough to come get me. I went to my first real meeting and a nice lady there that night took pity and let me stay in a spare room she had until I got back on my feet. I went to meetings every night. I got a sponsor, and he helped me get into an inpatient program. Unlike before, this time I took it seriously, I had to fix myself. I had, uh, messed up and lost you and I couldn’t go on like that. So this time I worked the steps and worked them hard. My sponsor saw how.
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